theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
