so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
