i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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