Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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