Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize