FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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