Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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