summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
