I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
