okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
