I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
