"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
