It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
