see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
