Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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