is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
