Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
