just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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