john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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