Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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