I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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