Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
