i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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