I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
