what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
