Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
