im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
