i permit you to call me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
His nipple licking is glorious
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