She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
