like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
