The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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