A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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