sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
