He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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