3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
