my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
