Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
