my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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