Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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