That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
