Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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