eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
