We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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