why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
