No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
