i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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