Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
