i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
