If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize