How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
