we have officially lost it.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
