I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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