It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
