fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
