the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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