I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
