9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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