oh god the rape fog is back!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
