JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
