Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
