College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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