hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I bet he comes in French.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
