I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
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Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire