Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
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Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.