Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.

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  (616): Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy. http://tfl.nu/q0bl
  Replies (8) Good night (2945) Bad night (559)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend

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  (309): So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend http://tfl.nu/9ksw
  Replies (34) Good night (3775) Bad night (553)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.

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  (203): I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust. http://tfl.nu/xny1
  Replies (31) Good night (3883) Bad night (655)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the snow is so cold on my vagina.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  why do you have snow on your vagina?

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  vodka and heels.

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  (580): the snow is so cold on my vagina. (405): why do you have snow on your vagina? (580): vodka and heels. http://tfl.nu/uvnf
  Replies (45) Good night (6212) Bad night (1329)
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  (209): View more from California

  she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook

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  (209): she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook http://tfl.nu/tp82
  Replies (24) Good night (1889) Bad night (10151)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles

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  (607): Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles http://tfl.nu/47mn
  Replies (16) Good night (5253) Bad night (849)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits

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  (678): I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits http://tfl.nu/9nme
  Replies (8) Good night (3527) Bad night (856)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.

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  (570): the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year. http://tfl.nu/g3sd
  Replies (4) Good night (1490) Bad night (382)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.

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  (503): Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in. http://tfl.nu/pa8o
  Replies (7) Good night (1749) Bad night (554)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.

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  (307): Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation. http://tfl.nu/c3ab
  Replies (5) Good night (1462) Bad night (289)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm

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  (515): After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm http://tfl.nu/0xl4
  Replies (1) Good night (556) Bad night (248)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING

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  (407): OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING http://tfl.nu/avf7
  Replies (4) Good night (673) Bad night (380)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me

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  (203): It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me http://tfl.nu/q51p
  Replies (8) Good night (362) Bad night (908)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?

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  (585): I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/qqo1
  Replies (8) Good night (404) Bad night (249)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"

  (703): View more from Virginia

  LET IT GO MOM

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  (703): Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection" (703): LET IT GO MOM http://tfl.nu/pq96
  Replies (1) Good night (427) Bad night (284)

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