The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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