After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".