Texts From Last Night

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  (574): View more from Indiana

  apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"

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  (574): apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!" http://tfl.nu/r6a4
  Replies (25) Good night (3599) Bad night (1332)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.

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  (514): Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"? (1-514): Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan. http://tfl.nu/v19o
  Replies (5) Good night (2607) Bad night (454)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.

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  (732): used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick (732): i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore. http://tfl.nu/4czg
  Replies (59) Good night (701) Bad night (2347)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober

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  (403): i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober http://tfl.nu/y1xh
  Replies (28) Good night (1180) Bad night (3946)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.

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  (630): That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims. http://tfl.nu/e1gu
  Replies (10) Good night (5023) Bad night (617)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"

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  (225): I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed" http://tfl.nu/96g5
  Replies (5) Good night (760) Bad night (3575)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"

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  (806): All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots" http://tfl.nu/28dj
  Replies (12) Good night (5548) Bad night (1296)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?

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  (704): Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane? http://tfl.nu/zikg
  Replies (11) Good night (3444) Bad night (1094)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.

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  (540): Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man. http://tfl.nu/q2i0
  Replies (6) Good night (699) Bad night (1331)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...

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  (201): So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone... http://tfl.nu/fbxy
  Replies (8) Good night (887) Bad night (2475)
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.

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  (909): I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today. http://tfl.nu/n0ax
  Replies (4) Good night (1216) Bad night (506)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.

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  (701): It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request. http://tfl.nu/qxm8
  Replies (5) Good night (1023) Bad night (725)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.

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  (617): Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane. http://tfl.nu/ph9r
  Replies (11) Good night (3726) Bad night (587)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!

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  (509): There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar! http://tfl.nu/gi23
  Replies (3) Good night (746) Bad night (400)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.

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  (402): Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night. http://tfl.nu/4fcf
  Replies (3) Good night (1272) Bad night (605)

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