im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
