I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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