Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
