My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
