dude i'm inner monologue high
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
