Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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