there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
