Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
