he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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