quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
