i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
