I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
