What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
